Chippah's Place

Looks like another season's about to go down the toilet unless somethin' major and unexpected happens the next month and a half. Got my 20+HR as usual, and got a pretty dang good hitter followin' me to the plate now, but all that don't seem to matter none. Need some startin' pitchin' beyond Smoltz and Hudson.

So, ol' Fatass got designated for assignment on Friday and once again we ain't got no official closer. If you're gonna sit on your fat ass when Bobby calls for you in the 'pen just 'cause your prima donna pasta-eatin' ass don't wanna pitch when it ain't no pure save situation, you can't be too surprised when Bobby tells you not to let the door hit you in your fat ass on the way out the next mornin'. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Frenchy got tossed for callin' the 1st Base ump a fuck tonight. It were awesome. He done been learnin' well by my example. Ol' Battleaxe Bobby almost got tossed right behind him, but I didn't figger he would since Frenchy were already gone. Bobby prefers the pre-emptive ejection that saves the player, like the one he done for me that set him the all-time ejections record. Which he has, of course, blown by since.

I dunno. Buncha stuff happened while I been neglectin' updatin' this thing, but the bottom line is we ain't looking like no playoff team and it's almost September. Sucks.

Seriously. Two games in a row? To the REDS? We're better than that.

Okay, in response to all the lovin' nudges I done received lately, it's time for an update. Took the wife and kids on a quick trip to Disney World durin' the ASB. The parents even joined us for a little while. They're doin' fine and was happy to see they grandkids. It were a good time for me to spend a good while at Splash Mountain just relaxin' and healin' up.

The winnin' has been nice lately. 11 of the last 15, just finished sweepin' the Bucs. Won a series with the Pads before that and split with the Dodgers. Been weird seein' all kinda recent familiar faces, Betemit, Maddux, Giles, Rochey. I been wipin' boogers on their stuff to give 'em somethin' to remember me by.

Saw that Mr. Wells, or Boomah as he is known to some, got a 7-game suspension for that fit he pitched after we got a HR off him. I hafta say, I thought the penalty were a bit harsh, but still, a guy who's been in MLB as long as him oughta know one of the cardinal rules is wait until the end of the inning to get on the umpire's butt. Don't do it in the midst of the baserunner roundin' the corners. Oh, and don't throw a ball at the backstop neither. It's frowned upon.

Oh well, only 1.5 games behind the Metrosexuals now. Gotta keep grindin'!

Not really, but now that I have y'all's attention, I can assure you that the media took some stuff and ran with it. Them jabs back and forth, man, that's just two guys that known each other a long time knowin' they's comfortable 'nuff to joke and mess with each other. But since it done got reinterpreted and blowed way outta proportion, Bobby done laid down the law with both of us and said we can't do that no more. As if I can control my mouth. Come on, he knows better. I guess I gotta try and do what the boss man says though.

Hey, we've won two in a row and figured out how to score runs again. We must be playin' the Nats.

Well my hands still hurt but I'm goin' out there and playin' anyway. It's weird, I'm not real sure why but we just seem to win when I'm in the lineup, and when I'm not...we don't. So you can bet I won't let Bobby hold me out no more. Thanks for all your well-wishes when I were healin' up.

3-4 as the DH tonight. Too bad we can't seem to string nothin' together as a team.

Huddy vs. Yo-ho-ho-jan Santana tomorrow. Giddy-up.

Hands injured. Hurts to type. Cubs is bitches.

That sure were a barn-burner last night, but we scraped by in the end. We're 3-for-3 in series against the Mets now, but they's still ahead of us. Thanks for givin' us the most difficult schedule in MLB, Bud Selig you horse's ass!

Who's ready for Memorial Day weekend? I am goin' to find the largest sausage I can possibly find and grill the hell outta that bad boy!

Man, we love playin' the Mets. Only bad thing 'bout tonight's game is my hittin' streak ended. I mean, even DAVIES hit a HR! Weren't no one more excited 'bout it than Frenchy and Heap. They was jumpin' 'round the dugout like giddy schoolgirls. Probly gonna be a threesome tonight that gets lied about tomorrow.

Heap were nice enough to take the boys to see Shrek 3 yesterday so I could spend some quality time with the wife. Turns out, while he were doin' that, Kelly Johnson were busy proposin' to his girlfriend. Poor Heap. Pretty soon he ain't gonna have no more single boyfriends.

Yeah, I said it. Y'all know I will call bullshit even when no one else will. I mean, come on, best overall record in your division is what decides who makes it to the playoffs, and yet th'other teams in your division don't have to play the same strength of schedule? Am I missin' somethin' there that actually makes sense?

Okay, John Smoltz is one tough S.O.B. The man's kinda makin' me feel like a puss for sittin' out with these bruised thumbs. He dislocated his pinky last night and yet he's still talkin' 'bout not missin' a start. And turnin' 40 today! We gonna get trashy tonight and celebrate, yes we is. Not to mention celebratin' yet another gem pitched by Huddy!

Some funky stuff happened on the way to third base tonight. Frenchie hit a ball right to Bautista while he was standing on my baserunnin' path, so needless to say there were a big ol' collision and now I got aches and bruises in places I didn't before. Don't know if I'm gonna play tomorrow. Depends how it feels when I get outta bed in the mornin'.

Thanks for all the Mother's Day advice. I think I should be able to put somethin' good together.

First place in the East and Smoltzie's got 5 wins and Huddy 4. And Wickman'll be back with the team Tuesday. How can I not be enjoyin' life right now?

Mother's Day's this weekend. Y'all got any idears for anythin' special I can do for the wife and my mom? I done took 'em out to eat and bought 'em flowers every year it seems, I wanna do somethin' different this year.

Oh, I been busy turnin' 35 and "goin' to bed early" with the wife, cussin' umps and gettin' thrown outta games, laughin' at Ryan Langerhans because nobody wants him. And most especially I been busy startin' every game except a pinch-hit appearance yesterday and leadin' the NL in homeruns. It's a celebration, bitches!

Beatin' the Nats is like kissin' your ugly cousin. It's easy 'cause you know she'll let you. They're a real young team though, so maybe later in the year after they're way way outta the playoff hunt, they'll start makin' some noise. I am kinda embarassed though, I struck out against Ray Davis and then two batters later he's givin' up a 3-run HR to Frenchy. He's our lead spazz now that Giles is gone, and Davis can't even fan him but me, I strike out. Go figger.

Heap, someone told me it was your birthday lately, so happy birthday! Who was hidin' inside your birthday cake this year? naked John Smoltz?

Yeah, it's April and first place don't mean much, but I hafta think we just stared down the next-best team in the NL East and won the series. I hope we can keep this momentum goin' all season. This is fun.

Did the Easter egg hunt thing with the boys this mornin'. They got mad at me for hidin' 'em too easy, so I told 'em if y'all are so good at it then why don't you hide 'em? That were a mistake. We still ain't found 'em all yet. I ain't no good at it and they done forgot where they hid some of 'em. I can see it now, in a few days Sharon is gonna be yellin' at me 'cause there's gonna be egg-stink all up in the house.

Ha! Nothin' like makin' them boo-bird Phillies fans freeze they asses for 11 innings just to watch their team LOSE again. Heap done done it again, hittin' the tyin' HR in the 9th and then Thor boomed one out in the 11th. Bad-assery all 'round.

I goosed Wickman in the 11th! I mean I didn't grab-ass him or nothin' I just snuck over behind the mound to wipe some shit off my shoe and he didn't know I were there. He turned 'round and jumped 'bout as high as a fat man can, which is to say not very.

I mighta called Rafael Soriano "Alfonso" th'other day. In fact, I mighta been doin' it all the way through spring trainin'. Hell, Heap knows how that goes. I called him Chad his entire rookie year.

Let's go drink!

Dang, Rents hittin' 2 HR! He's on pace to hit, like 300+ for the season! And Heap hit one too! Smoltz gettin' the no-decision but actually pitchin' one of his better openin' day games ever. Extra-innings win, welcome to the A-Town, Chad Paronto! Even though we's in Philly right now.

No game tomorrow which means we's goin' out on the town and gettin' a major swerve on tonight. Probly gonna hit a sports bar to watch the hoops (go Gators!) and then who knows what else. Maybe Pete Orr'll start talkin' to me again if I buy him a drink.

Ohohohoho! Oh man! Oh this is so funny! Pete Orr, you maple-leaf-flag wavin' retardo! IF YOU WAS ON THE TEAM THEY'DA TOLD YA! Heh, OK maybe I'm havin' too much fun messin' with him 'bout this. But hey, don't wanna get the kid's hopes up, y'know.

Here's some junk about 'Druw probly leavin' the team for the dolla-dolla bills next year. Apparently I gave some quotes for that article, though as usual I don't remember it none. But it's true, both him and Smoltz loves bein' Braves and don't wanna go. I hope fuckin' tightwad Schuerholz can find a way to make it happen.

Braves at the plate: Chipper Jones hit his second homer in two days, blasting a mammoth drive off the center-field backdrop with a man on in the third inning while batting right-handed.

Yessir I done did. Ain't tryin' to use up what's in the tank before the season starts, but when you got the mojo goin' on you gotta work it, knowhattimean?

Welcome to the long-term-contract-havin' millionaires' club, boy! And of course this comes on the heels of that triple. Coincidence? I think not.

Anybody bailed LaRussa outta jail yet? Didn't think so.